DEALING WITH AN IMMATURE SPOUSE

I increasingly hear from people married to immature spouses. I mean, when you hear their stories, the other spouse is clearly at fault. (Un)fortunately, I don't have access to their spouses. If I did, I'll be happy to tell them to shape up and show up in their marriages. 

In this post I'm sticking with this definition of maturity that I found online - "Maturity is the recognition of responsibility and then the acceptance of that responsibility as a necessity in one's own life." Blaming somebody else for our own behavior is a sign of great immaturity. 

There is the usual tendency to ask if the immature spouse displayed such behaviours during courtship. Assuming the answer is "yes", how does that help the "mature" spouse? And if the answer is "no", how does that help? I'm struggling to see how asking if the immature spouse displayed the signs during courtship actually helps the person already married to an immature soul. Please feel free to enlighten me.

The question then is this - how does one deal with an immature spouse? Is the counsel to keep praying for them enough? What about the counsel to end the marriage once it can be proven that one's spouse is immature? What should the mature spouse do? 

I found a few recommendations that make sense to me. I'll share after saying this - if domestic violence and/or adultery are involved, you need more than these tips I'm sharing. Those are out of the scope of this post. 

Tips
1. Pray to God for wisdom to deal with them. 

2. Praise your spouse for the things they do right. If you look hard enough, you'll find something great about them. (You asked/agreed to marry them na, lol)

3. Pray that God brings godly men/women who will encourage both of you to grow in all areas of your life and particularly in your marriage. 

4. Watch your words. There is a natural tendency to focus on what they're not doing right. I've learnt that when you take it to the Lord in prayer first, you'll find the right words to communicate without offending. 

5. Don't take responsibility for their irresponsibility/immaturity. I heard a story that still annoys me till date of a man who REFUSED to work and would still be telling his wife the kind of (expensive) fish he wants to eat. I won't say more than that before I begin to rant, lol. 

6. Explore your own motives and make sure you're not overfunctioning, thus encouraging your spouse to be immature. Sometimes, you need to sit back and prayerfully let them face the consequences of their (in)actions. You are NOT the Holy Spirit, lol. 

I've included links to a few helpful webpages. 

http://articles.christianbaptists.com/Art/991/3/Dealing-With-an-Immature-Husband.html

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/doctor-david/irresponsibility-in-marriage.html

http://www.cs.uni-potsdam.de/ti/kreitz/Christian/Boundaries/all.html

Please share your views, experiences and tips. 

Have a blessed and productive day.