DEALING WITH AN IMMATURE SPOUSE

I increasingly hear from people married to immature spouses. I mean, when you hear their stories, the other spouse is clearly at fault. (Un)fortunately, I don't have access to their spouses. If I did, I'll be happy to tell them to shape up and show up in their marriages. 

In this post I'm sticking with this definition of maturity that I found online - "Maturity is the recognition of responsibility and then the acceptance of that responsibility as a necessity in one's own life." Blaming somebody else for our own behavior is a sign of great immaturity. 

There is the usual tendency to ask if the immature spouse displayed such behaviours during courtship. Assuming the answer is "yes", how does that help the "mature" spouse? And if the answer is "no", how does that help? I'm struggling to see how asking if the immature spouse displayed the signs during courtship actually helps the person already married to an immature soul. Please feel free to enlighten me.

The question then is this - how does one deal with an immature spouse? Is the counsel to keep praying for them enough? What about the counsel to end the marriage once it can be proven that one's spouse is immature? What should the mature spouse do? 

I found a few recommendations that make sense to me. I'll share after saying this - if domestic violence and/or adultery are involved, you need more than these tips I'm sharing. Those are out of the scope of this post. 

Tips
1. Pray to God for wisdom to deal with them. 

2. Praise your spouse for the things they do right. If you look hard enough, you'll find something great about them. (You asked/agreed to marry them na, lol)

3. Pray that God brings godly men/women who will encourage both of you to grow in all areas of your life and particularly in your marriage. 

4. Watch your words. There is a natural tendency to focus on what they're not doing right. I've learnt that when you take it to the Lord in prayer first, you'll find the right words to communicate without offending. 

5. Don't take responsibility for their irresponsibility/immaturity. I heard a story that still annoys me till date of a man who REFUSED to work and would still be telling his wife the kind of (expensive) fish he wants to eat. I won't say more than that before I begin to rant, lol. 

6. Explore your own motives and make sure you're not overfunctioning, thus encouraging your spouse to be immature. Sometimes, you need to sit back and prayerfully let them face the consequences of their (in)actions. You are NOT the Holy Spirit, lol. 

I've included links to a few helpful webpages. 

http://articles.christianbaptists.com/Art/991/3/Dealing-With-an-Immature-Husband.html

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/doctor-david/irresponsibility-in-marriage.html

http://www.cs.uni-potsdam.de/ti/kreitz/Christian/Boundaries/all.html

Please share your views, experiences and tips. 

Have a blessed and productive day. 

UNDERSTANDING THE TIMES

"From Issachar, men who understood the times and knew what Israel should do..." 1 Chronicles 12:32a

 

I'll like to talk a bit about having an understanding of the times we live in.

 

We learn in the opening verse of the sons of Issachar who understood the times and knew what Israel should do. Thankfully, that priviledge was not reserved only for the sons of Issachar. We have the Holy Spirit who tells us what to do at each point, so we ought to have an understanding of the times too.

 

One crucial aspect of understanding the times is understanding how things work in our day.  If you will impact your world meaningfully, you need to use social media to propagate your gospel. Businesses that will survive these days have to make their presence known online somehow. If you'll make an impact in your career, you NEED to know how to use your online presence and technology to your advantage.

 

I know there are 'dangers' associated with the internet and technology in general but I also know it's not all gloom and doom. Evil prevails when good men (women) do nothing. 

 

Technology is God's gift to us in this era. It may very well be the only 'talent' we've been given. The servant that was given only one talent hid his because it was not enough (in his opinion); he was punished for it. We have the priviledge of connecting to anyone we may need using various easy to use media - emails, social media, online professional networks etc. Joining up is free for most of these media. I think it is unacceptable/unbelievable that you can sign up on Facebook/Twitter (add your own) yet you don't have an email address. I know you won't believe me but I've met at least one person who didn't have an email address till now. Someone asked how you hope to get an employment letter mailed to you without an email address.

 

Anyway, I hope with these few words of mine I have been able to convince and not confuse you on the need to brace up and get with the program, lol. We have ALL been given the 'talent' of technology. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT?

 

PS: A dear friend and I are thinking of organizing an online course that shows you how to use various electronic and social media to your advantage. Please let me know what you think about it and how much you think is fair to charge for such a course.

 

Have a blessed and productive day.

Grow Up

"You can't control what others do but you can control your reaction; that's the reason why self-control is a fruit of the Spirit..." Adenike M. Adebola

 

If all your actions are actually reactions to other people's (in)actions, you are really not exercising self-control. You'll always do things because somebody else did/did not do something...You have become a puppet. You need to grow up and stop allowing others dictate your actions...

 

In other news, I almost got in trouble today reading one liner comments from an aspiring clown. I'll call it the "Tecno T340" treatment and it will be used on posts that I vehemently disagree with, lol.